Journal 3: Shitty First Drafts

After reading this piece about first drafts, I took away some relief from what Lamott explained. Every time I write a paper, I find myself deleting sentences, paragraphs, even pages at a time, and the frustration quickly sets in. Sometimes, I will write a rough draft, and it will be all over the place, no organization or focus whatsoever, and I will simply give up, thinking that it's the best I can do. However, after reading this piece from an accomplished writer, and how she often hates her rough drafts, it made me feel a lot better about my writing and my often shitty rough drafts. It showed me that a lot more people than I previously thought go through this process with great difficulty as well, and that good writing doesn't just dance off people's fingertips.
Just a few days ago, I began writing my rough draft for the personal memoir we were assigned in class. It took me almost two hours to write a single page. I must have written and deleted 50 sentences in the first page alone. After I was done, I felt almost ashamed by the rough draft I had turned out. But when I read it again the next day, I saw some hope in my writing. Like Lamott said, most of your first draft will often be terrible, but there will be some things that come out of it that are really good, which is exactly what I saw in my own writing. I had always thought the same thing she proposed everyone thinks; that good writers can sit down and right a beautiful and perfect first draft. But as I think about it, it is nearly impossible to do, so why would I be any exception?
When Lamott said she "eventually let herself trust the process--sort of, more or less," I realized how little I trust my own writing and my own writing process. The reason I think she expresses a little doubt at the end is not many writers love their own writing. Personally, I always dislike my writing, I always think it sounds terrible, but in some ways, this is part of my writing process. To never be satisfied with your work means there is always room for improvement, improvement that can make my writing sound better in my own head, and hopefully in the heads of my readers. When she said this, I think she was talking about herself, but I also think she was speaking for all writers. I think all writers have doubt about trusting their own process, and I think the more you trust it, the better your writing will be.
Like I mentioned before, this reading gave me a lot of confidence going into my second draft and trying to improve my writing. Now, as I read over my draft, I will know its supposed to be terrible. I will know it shouldn't be anywhere near a final draft form, and having that in mind, I think it will help me work through my own writing process. Hopefully, this process will allow me to create a final draft where I find some consolation and satisfaction.